The Medicine of Pleasure

As I type this, I am having what I call a ‘watery’ day. I feel solemn, quiet, withdrawn, in the choppy waters of the ocean of my thoughts and feelings. And it took me a long time to understand how to navigate these waters in my life. After all, I belong to the African generation whose parents were solely lacking in the department of emotional intelligence and didn’t see it as a gift worth teaching their children [ a VERY layered conversation for another day] But, I am here, at the budding of middle age hood, [is that even a term? LOL] finally understanding how to navigate my emotional, mental, and spiritual landscape. 

There are many contributing factors that have helped me with this navigation. Some of them are therapy, a deep desire to rewrite the story that was handed to me, being a ‘stay at home’ wife, social media [ listen, this is why I will keep yapping about the power of being mindful about who you follow] and the subject matter of this blog post, pleasure. 

PLEASURE. Say it out loud. What thoughts immediately come to your mind? How does your body react to the word? It is one of those words. Vilified, feared, misunderstood, UNDERESTIMATED, and yet so core to the human experience. From all the books I have read and my own intuitive understanding of pleasure, most of us fear pleasure because of the misshapen society we live in. Pleasure is a feeling-based experience, which in turn means it lies in the realm of the feminine. And I need not go on about how our patriarchal, concrete, action-driven society dismisses the soft power of the feminine. We fear pleasure because it means centering ourselves and having a deep connection with our inner world and once again, most patriarchal monotheistic religions preach against this. Serve God and man first, they say. That is where your pleasure SHOULD lie. Oh, and let’s not forget the good ol’ myth of how good people suffer and how suffering is full of reward [ I promise, I am not jaded. Just a student of human behavior] We vilify pleasure because it can [ and actually usually] takes us to the darkest places within ourselves. Places, we have been told to hide, to be ashamed of, to starve, all in a bid to fit in our misshapen society. We misunderstand pleasure because we have been told over and over AND over that it has no point. No real value [ Hence why the female orgasm triggers so many layered conversations ]. We underestimate its power because how can we look at something so complex, so rooted in the mysterious nature of the feminine yet it presents itself as so banal, so surface level……….

I am chuckling at myself. A blog post like this shows big glimpses of how my mind works. It has the strokes of my vulnerability [ I am genuinely thinking who the hell is even going to read this and care but I continue typing. Pleasure does that to you. You will do something despite what your doubts tell you because it pleases you] 

So you may be thinking, Ij, how is pleasure medicine? Well, tie the threads together. In the pursuit and the action of pleasure, one must inevitably face everything I have spoken of above. The narratives we have believed about pleasure. What we actually feel about pleasure. Whether we are truly honest in our myriad of relationships about our true needs. Do we even know what really pleases us or are we performing for another? Are we aware of our darkness and how it quietly and yet powerfully influences our decision-making? Are we willing to see the value of our own pleasure as an intrinsic part of our human experience? Are we brave enough to see how pleasure can be inspiring, healing, and bloody hell, just something we pursue for the sake of it? I know, lots of questions. But all questions lead to change, and change leads to transformation, and isn't that not healing? 

Let us end this blog post by adding the practical to my ideas. These are the actions of pleasure that I indulged in today so as to help me wade through my watery day.

I have a new act, recently created out of my deep commitment of pleasure. I am calling it a special breakfast because, to be honest, there is nothing else to call it. It is indulgent, filling, full of twists and turns in terms of flavor profiles and to be honest, belongs on the breakfast menu of a boutique hotel. I love food so this is so me! 

I went for a walk. I absolutely love walking to the point, a part of me dreams of being a postwoman. Just so I can walk for long hours. LOL …..

I gave myself a beautiful massage with the Lush CBD massage bar. Oh! This is really nice! A very powerful heady earthy scent of patcholi. I am not quite the Lush lover, but I see myself repurchasing this!

I chose silence and slow movements. Taking myself deep into my body and doing my best to stay out of my head.

They are only acts but they reminded me of how aware I am of myself, how I choose to priorotise myself and most importantly of how pleasure is medicine for me.

Here is to the complex yet simple power of pleasure

PS. As I prioritize pleasure and continue to understand myself, I am getting a wiser grip on my watery days. I remember losing days…weeks…. to my sadness but now, a day …two days at the most. The medicine of pleasure is working deeply within me

PSS. This blog post inspired some creativity within me. I made a really yummy food vlog. Me looking fabulous, eating gorgeous food and talking about pleasure. What is my life? It is good…not perfect but good.

PSSS. All the highlighted words are links taking you where I would like you to go

PSSSS The thumbnail of this blog post is what my special breakfasts look like. And that is an EPIC book. Find it!